Direction
by SeleneJuba
Summary: “Its not like that with Anne, She is just a friend” Gilbert said aloud to Bash. But what was he thinking behind that smile?
1. 1

-Direction

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I'm just a fan with an interpretation

"Man, seeing the world, trying new things. What could be better?" Gilbert said in awe of his current circumstances. Looking around the tropical environment, drink in hand, He felt so entirely free and full of joy.

"Gold." Bash said plain and simple. As if there were no competition between the two options. What he wouldn't give to have such a sure option in his future. "Some girl tell you there might be gold in your land and you'd rather move coal".

"I wouldn't say that girl's the most reliable narrator" a smile instantly on his lips at the thought of that girl. As he recalled, Anne was always swept up so completely in her imagination, a quality he found most endearing. However touched by the effort it must have taken for her to track his whereabouts and write to him from across the ocean as he was, he was reluctant to be drawn in by gold fever. If there was in fact gold on his farm it will keep. He left for a reason and no shiny nugget was going to compel him to return before he was ready, if at all. It sure was sweet of Anne to think of writing to him amongst the chaos that such a discovery would have made in town. It felt good to know that he still had a place in her mind despite his absence.

"You are crazy!" Bash found this young man so amusing, his heart written all over his face as he speaks of his girl. "If I had someone pretty back home, gold or no, I'd be up outta here."

Gilbert's demeanour changed instantly at what Bash was implying. "It's not like that with Anne" he said. She had made it very clear to him in there first few interactions that she was not interested in knowing him. As a pair they had made progress since then. She warmed up to knowing him when she realised that his father was gravely ill and perhaps she saw herself in him. She finally saw Gilbert as a kindred spirit through their mutual circumstances of being orphans. The way she expressed that to him came across as callous and had not been received well. But in hindsight it levelled the playing field between them and the next, and last time he had seen her he found himself unwilling to part from her. How captivating her eyes had been, swirling with unsaid... Gilbert didn't want to even let himself think it, it's not like that with her. Although he was entirely sure that was not his first choice. The wistful smile left his features and voice became dismissive. "She's just a friend."

Bash however was persistent "Yeah. A friend that make you smile and act like a moke."

"Be a man" Bash prodded.

"I am" Gilbert said defensively.

"Only a boy can't admit when he is gone over a lady" Bash said teasingly, challenging Gilbert to own his feelings.

Gilbert paused, thinking of some way to get out of the corner Bash is trying to back him into when he saw the other mans drink and perked up at the sight of a much needed distraction from the topic at hand. He quickly picked up the delicacy and threw it back boldly, sitting proud for a half a second before what he had drunk got the better of him and he dashed to relieve his body of the sudden burden. Coming up behind him Bash patted his shoulder and then steered Gilbert away from the establishment.

After the day was done and all his fellow crew mates were asleep in their hammocks, Gilbert could not settle his mind to sleep and so decided it was time to send a reply to Anne. Checking that Bash was asleep, not wanting anymore encouragement, he began with "Dear Anne," And then he paused.

What Bash has said to him played over in his mind.

Anne has been constant in his thoughts throughout the afternoon and evening. It was _not_ like that with Anne. However thinking back to the first day he met her, politely yet meaningfully chatting to Billy in order to stop his bullying ways from bothering the stranger standing before him. There she has been, and then she was gone in a flash, towards the schoolhouse. Gilbert remembered his actions of that day, trying to be charming, opening the door for her, and just as she had begun to talk to him he was swarmed by his classmates. She didn't approach him again so during their recess he offered her an apple to begin a conversation as she had peaked his curiosity. But she shut him down. Sitting across the room from her with the teachers eyes on the board was a perfect opportunity he has thought. He had only wanted... a smile, eye contact, a reaction? So consumed by the urge to know her he put her in a terrible situation and he felt awful. He had never felt so drawn to a person before, let alone a stranger. And so much had passed between them since that day. But that pull, the urge to know her never wavered. He showed it with every smile, every glance her way. Even if she did not feel the same pull towards him he never wanted to not know her.

In the silence of the sleeping compartment, covered by a blanket night, he could admit that much to himself, but for now his life's journey did not lead to where she was. And so he set about answering her letter, telling her of his travels and of his intention to continue as he is now indefinitely, a word in which he added an "a" into after all his thoughts of attempts to grab her attention, he couldn't resist. He carefully signed his name and put the paper away until tomorrow for posting, and leaving his thoughts to the night as he drifted off to sleep. Behind his eyelids he saw blue eyes looking at him, and he smiled to himself. Just a friend.

The following day Gilbert experienced the joy and reward of helping a person who needed assistance in the most personal way. Helping Ruth bring her child into the world sparked many thoughts within his mind, opened up a new pathway he had not thought of before. He has left Avonlea after his fathers death in search of a future he was passionate about. Leaving the small farming community had been the right choice for him at the time as it allowed Gilbert to explore the world and see the immeasurable possibilities it held for his future. And now it seemed he had found a future calling to him. "Doc" Bash had called him. The title 'Doctor' allowed a part of Gilbert's soul to settle. He had found what was looking for, Direction.

And now it would seem that this choice was going to direct him right back home to Avonlea. After all, he couldn't get into a medical school moving coal.


	2. 2

-

Authors note: Hi there, this story is intended to be a more in-depth look at a handful of scenes on the show without changing what they do in the show, rather enhancing what they don't show you . So much of this show is unvoiced, and conveyed in the subtleties of eye contact, facial expressions and body language. And what is said leaves you wanting elaboration. So here i have decided to give those moments a larger voice, and if it entertains anyone along the way, even better. Thanks!

2.

Gilbert stood on the deck looking out at the ocean, Bash beside him smiling like a child with the knowledge of what awaits them. Almost as soon as Gilbert realised that he would be returning to Avonlea he began planning for Bash to come with him. He could not imagine leaving the steamer and not offering the other man a chance to share in what he himself has taken for granted. Stability, Land, fresh air and above all else, a home.

The irony was not lost on him that his revelation had come only hours after mailing his reply to Anne's letter, in which he stated that he was unlikely to return to his home in the foreseeable future. He supposed it will make for a surprise when he arrives back after all. The thought of his correspondence with Anne pulled at the corners of his lips, with the knowledge that he would one day very soon be once again within close proximity to her, his very dear friend.

When that day finally came it was so unexpectedly heartwarming to be back in a familiar place. The need to fly out of that place like a gull over the ocean was gone, replaced with anticipation for what would come next. Following rides on trains and carts alike Gilbert set eyes on his home again and he paused with Bash to take in the moment, sharing a welcome home between them before they continued to the house. Once inside the two men took great care in removing the white linen from the furniture and piece by piece, a home emerged.

Bash had chosen a room to make himself at home in, meanwhile Gilbert returned to his room to retrieved a fresh shirt which still fit him nicely and put his bag down. There he found tucked into his draw a very small edition of a book. Picking it up and studying the book for a moment he remembered when his father had brought it home for him in order to support his son with his schooling. The memory did not bring with it sorrow or pain, rather a content feeling of knowing that his father had cared for him dearly and was invested in his future. Following his thoughts down the rabbit hole, Gilbert then though of Anne's words on the day they laid his father to rest. That he was lucky. She hadn't meant for her words to come across the way they had. She had only intended for him to know that although his father was gone, Gilbert knew he had been loved. And now, after the fact, he did find comfort in that. He wanted to thank Anne for her sentiments, and even though she would not know just what it meant to him, in his hand he was holding the perfect way to do just that. He searched for some parchment to wrap the present in and put it aside until the upcoming Christmas, providing a grand excuse for the giving of such a gift.

The following day Gilbert awoke with a burst of energy. There was not a minute to loose on working towards his goal of being a doctor so he made up his mind to return to school that very day. He would spend some time with Bash after school and show him the ropes and his way around the farm but for today he was more than confident in his companions ability to hang about with no claims over his time. A simple freedom that had been lacking most of his life. And so Gilbert was off to school.

Gilbert was surrounded by a gathering of his class mates all eager to hear of his adventures when all noise ceased and the crowd began to part. Gilbert turned and there she was. As soon as he saw her he abandoned the conversation with his classmates and began to approach. His unexpected and contradictory return had indeed startled her as she jolted at the sight of him. "Anne" Gilbert said with a breath, some inner part of himself he didn't realise had been restless was suddenly at ease in her presence. He was very much amused that the first thought that came to her mind was of the gold, fearing he had returned under her misled guidance, and was quick to reassure her of its irrelevance to his being back. He had after all been sceptical of the notion of gold in Avonlea from the moment he read her letter. An unreliable narrator indeed.

Anne certainly appeared different to how he has last seen her, a blue ribbon framed her face in place of her vivid braids, and given her obvious discomfort and the chatter around them this was quite a recent change. The blue of her eyes was even more prominent than before and reminded him of the clear skies of Spain. She may have changed her hair, but she was exactly as he remembered her. "It's really good to see you" Gilbert said meaningfully and took the moment to take in her presence, holding her gaze wordlessly as had become their way. Until of course the sound of a door creaking drew their attention back to their surroundings and they moved to take their seats.

Having removed Anne's eyes from the position of being the single thought occupying his mind Gilbert now began to contemplate the implications for Anne with her new haircut. No sooner had he taken his seat did he glance in her direction. She looked very uncomfortable, her expression filled with shame as their teacher and supposed guide began setting an appalling example of appropriate conduct by referring to Anne as a boy, which all but gave the students in the room a licence to ridicule Anne as well. Gilbert worried for Anne as she endured what was said about her. She was clearly hurt but she wore it bravely. Very few things in the world provoked a strong reaction out of Gilbert, and none quite as much as seeing Anne hurt, or even someone speaking ill of her as Billy Andrews would well remember, and it took a lot of restraint to sit there and listen, knowing to his core that what they were saying was so far from the truth. Personally, he had never seen Anne for the way she appeared on the outside, it was her spirit and her fire that drew him to her. And despite the change she was as cute to him as she ever was and the words that were flying around the room did nothing to shift his mind.


	3. 3

-3.

"Blythe!" He heard Bash calling him from the kitchen "There is a very surprised lady here to see you." Not sure who to expect he was happy to see Marilla Cuthbert standing there looking very surprised indeed. Last time he has seen Miss Cuthbert she had been standing before his fathers grave and it was revealed that the two had shared a connection in their youth, one that Marilla let go of in the light of her obligation to her family. Knowing that the Lady before him had been important to John Blythe earned Gilbert's respect and he always had time for her.

The purpose of her visit had been to extend an invitation to Christmas dinner at Green Gables. It was such a kind gesture to welcome him, most likely having assumed that he would otherwise be spending the holiday alone. Gilbert very touched by the offer, but there was an awkward moment when he wasn't sure how Bash fit into it. Upon realising his struggle Marilla also welcomed Bash to join the dinner, even if only to be polite, and then bid the two men a good day.

This invite pleased Gilbert immensely as it was the perfect way to begin facilitating introducing Bash to the people of the town, and it went without saying that Anne would be one of those people. After Marilla had gone Gilbert explained to Bash that she and her brother Matthew were Anne's adoptive family, which of course prompted excitement out of older man, finally he was going to be able to meet the young lady who was the object of his friends poorly concealed affections.

"I am looking forward to meeting Anne. I've heard so much about her" Gilbert chuckled at Bash's words, understanding what bash was implying and laughing it off.

Moments later Anne entered the room, wearing a dress that was in another league compared to the dresses she usually wore, and it suited her very well. Gilbert smiled at the sight of her, his eyes wondering over her briefly before he rose to his feet, Bash following suit. Anne however only had eyes for Bash.

"You're Sebastian. Oh how thrilling." Diving into her excitement of how wonderful it was to meet a person of colour. Gilbert was shocked at how Anne was so cavalier in the way she spoke about Bash, as were the Cuthberts. Not even seeming to realise she went on and spoke with such adoration that Bash didn't know what to say, clearly never having had a white person speak to him this way. Once the shock subsided Bash shook Anne's outstretched hand and Gilbert was once again in awe of her, having never seen her so captivated.

As everyone began the migration to the table for dinner Anne stayed to blow out the candles on the tree and Gilbert hesitated, reaching into his pocket as now seemed like the time to give Anne her gift. First checking that the bow he tied was sturdy he proceeded with his approach and handed it to her with Christmas wishes. Her immediate concern that she did not have anything to give him in return was dismissed with a smile. Anne standing before him, being who she was with all her quirks and her wonderfully intelligent mind was more meaningful a gift than any object could have been. He gazed at her taking in all that she is and marvelling at how she had walked straight passed the elephant in the room, and with elegance and compassion had forgone propriety and welcomed Bash into her acquaintance whilst fully acknowledging everything that he is. She was simply remarkable. They continued to smile at each other until Anne remembered herself and quickly set to the task of blowing out the candles. Gilbert moved to assist her and between the pair all but one candle had been extinguished.

At the same moment Gilbert and Anne leaned hastily towards the last remaining candle and blew. They was suddenly a very small distance between there faces and Gilbert eyes met hers before they briefly flickered down to her lips, still feeling the breath that had come from them fresh over his skin. His eyes returned to hers as they both began to straighten. In that moment he knew Bash was right and couldn't deny the rush that he got from being so near her, a light chuckle slipped from him as he looked at her. They may only friends to each other, but his heart was pushing for more. Oh how it was good to be back. Anne suddenly seemed flustered under his gaze and broke their eye contact to place his gift at the bottom of the tree and they proceeded to walk towards everyone else.

At dinner Anne insisted on sitting next to Sebastian, eager to find out as much about him as she could. Gilbert sat across from Bash as he recalled all the ports he had travelled to but it was Anne who had his attention. She was so drawn in by Sebastian as if he was a character from one of her books brought to life and had endless questions for him which he answered kindly. Gilbert felt truely blessed to be spending Christmas in this place and as the dining time came and went he and bash took their leave, thanking the family for their hospitality.

It was late and Bash had long since gone to bed, not feeling in the mood for company. Gilbert sat by the fire with the events of the day running through his mind. Gilbert could not be more disappointed at how the people of the town failed to live up to the standard set by Anne in how they treated Sebastian. Gilbert had dropped the line for the prop to come down which knocked out Billy, and everyone assumed it has been Bash. This had shocked Gilbert immensely, but sadly it was not a surprise as Avonlea was a township made up of people very stuck in their ways who rejected change like it was a plague. He regretted deeply that he did not say anything in Bash's defence but it was a crazy moment and a part of him knew it wouldn't make a difference in that moment. Most of the town were yet to meet Bash let alone get to know his friendly nature, so he let it be for now. Understanding would come in its own time and in the meantime the family at green gables welcomed Gilbert and Bash with open arms.


	4. 4

-

Authors note: Jumping ahead in time to the next place in the story I felt needed a deeper look into the unsaid. Thanks!

4.

The school newspaper was indeed an enriching project started by the dear school teacher Ms Stacy for those senior students of the Avonlea school. Some of those students were taking their roles as reporters more serious than others, evident as Gilbert looked over to the group of girls who where watching the hockey game on the sidelines only to see none other but Anne Shirley-Cuthbert vigorously taking notes into a notebook, meanwhile the young mind assigned to take those notes on the game, Ruby Gillis, was in a daze.

Gilbert slid along the ice in Anne's direction, stating that he was under the impression Ruby was meant to be covering the game. Anne gestured irritatedly as she continued to take notes at a furious pace while the surrounding girls filled him in that Ruby was quite distracted by a certain someone. That much was obvious as she stood staring at Gilbert like a Cheshire Cat. Finding it irritating that Ruby was demonstrating such a lack of focus Gilbert when on his way.

Once back at school the following day Gilbert was glancing through his book in the classroom as the other student filed in, not taking much notice until suddenly Anne approached.

"I am not sure if you are aware but the old take notice board is active again" she began. Gilbert was unfamiliar with the concept, although it sounded vaguely like what everyone had been whispering about as they arrived at the schoolhouse. "Take notice?" He promoted.

"Yes, of someone. As in you post on the board when you want to let someone know you've taken notice. It's a way to make a casual declaration. A quiet attention" as she continued it appeared to be quite self explanatory. He wondered why Anne would be approaching him about it. "To... someone you like" Gilbert clarified in order to show his understanding. To have this girl standing before him breaching this kind of subject with him was turning the cogs of possibility in his mind.

"Yes. Not so pointed as to be alarming but not so vague as to not be understood" she went on explaining the validity of such an action. "A post in advance of a proper advance" Gilbert stated, seeing why this method would be a useful platform for young people their age to express themselves to each other, while removing the risk of being rejected coldly to their face. That after all was a painful thing to bare, and a feeling Gilbert was no stranger to after repeatedly reaching out for any kind of connection with Anne and literally having it slap him in the face.

"Exactly. Because all these little notices matter when you want someone to know you're thinking ahead." Thinking ahead? Gilbert couldn't stop it once she said those words. The tiny crack that appeared in the box full of his feelings for this fiery young woman, locked away tight and held together with the nails driven in by years of misunderstandings, mishaps, and confusion between the two. This box was ever present in his mind, lurking in the shadows of their friendship of mutual competition. Ever since returning home from the steamer with Bash at his side Gilbert had been acutely aware of the effects she had on his mind and heart. But going through the motions of maturing and growing into young adults had kept those feelings from taking charge of Gilbert's actions. With Anne's words now, was it possible she was finally in a place where they could be open about their feelings and intentions for their future?

"To their future together?" Gilbert asked eagerly, looking into Anne's eyes imploring her to continue.

"Yes" Anne said quietly, looking intently into Gilbert's eyes.

"So... you're suggesting I post?" Gilbert asked, assuming this was her purpose for mentioning it to him. Looking into her eyes, he knew that he was more than prepared to follow through on this without a second thought if this was what she wanted of him. Only her entire body language shifted and the next words that came out of her mouth put another nail in the box of his feelings, and it felt like a splinter in his heart. Precedent should not have let his hopes begin to bloom, he should have known it was too good to be true.

"If you're interested in Ruby you should let her know before someone else stakes their claim" Anne could scarcely look Gilbert in the eyes as she all but told him to declare intentions toward her friend. It made her feel ill in her stomach. His response only made her feel worse. He seemed really bothered by the idea. Poor Ruby. "Thank you for the suggestion, but I'm not exactly a 'take notice' kind of guy, and when the right person comes along, some day, whenever that is... I'll know." Anne then proceeds to walk away without another word. Gilbert takes a deep breath and sighs. So close but... nothing.

Meanwhile Anne was breaking the news to Ruby, who was swept up in hope due to the romantic look in Gilbert's eyes as he spoke with Anne. But little did she know it was not until Ruby's name was mentioned that he seemed put off by the topic as a whole. Anne couldn't help the thought as it slipped into her mind. Gilbert's eyes were full of romance as he was speaking with her about... well, romance. She had felt as though she could scarcely breath when his gaze held her own. But the look in his eyes had not been unfamiliar to her. On the many occasions she and Gilbert were transfixed in each other's eyes, that was simply how he appeared. Could it be... when he looked at her, was he experiencing... romantic feelings? Cole has said it at the Charlottetown train station. Anne had quickly shut down such an impossible notion at the time, but perhaps Cole had observed the same look on Gilbert that Ruby had just now.

She couldn't help herself. She approached him after the queens study group finished for the day. Tapping his shoulder and he turned around. She looked into his eyes searching for any traces of the romance. Nothing. He looked confused, but not romantic. She was at a loss.


	5. 5

5\. I don't need you.

Gilbert was making his usual Saturday journey into Charlottetown in order to assist Dr Ward, only this trip was different as the Cuthbert's had enlisted his help to safely escort Anne to Aunt Jo's mansion and back. Gilbert could see how much Anne's family were fretting over her travel, he found it quite amusing, and endearing as Marilla fussed, telling Anne to make herself presentable so as not to look like an urchin and attract trouble. Gilbert had never met anyone else in his life who had a knack for attracting trouble the way she did, no matter how she presented herself. His travelling companion was looking increasingly tense while she defended her own capabilities and as she boarded the train Gilbert did what he could to ease her families discomfort with reassurances that he would ensure she stayed out of ditches. The Cuthbert's seemed more at ease after what he said, Anne however looked even more exasperated as she took her seat.

In an effort to ease Anne's annoyance at Marilla's fussing Gilbert decide to tell Anne of his observations. "She's fond of you. Marilla." Maybe if she could see from Marilla's point of view she wouldn't take it to heart so much.

To no avail, "It's ridiculous, really." She replied.

"If it's any consolation, I don't mind being your escort." Gilbert said with cheer. He had been more than willing to accompany Anne to Charlottetown when she approached him with the idea. Maybe it was just because he made regular trips to where she was heading, but Gilbert smiled knowing she had needed a reliable escort she could count on to appease the Cuthbert's and she had thought of him. Unfortunately he hit a nerve and before he knew it Anne was giving him a rundown of all the ways he was unnecessary and unwanted on her journey. "Well I mind. I can fend for myself! Do you even know what my quest is? I am on a deeply meaningful personal journey. And I certainly don't need you."

The longer she went on the more the cheerfulness drain from Gilbert. No he didn't know her purpose for travelling into Charlottetown as she was yet to mention it. That wasn't to say that he wouldn't have listened and supported her however she needed. However she was being abundantly clear about how she felt towards him and she had been repeatedly clear on the matter for as long as they had known each other. Anne had captivated him and they had shared many moments that reinforced for him the notion that she was not as unaffected by him as she made it seem. He had felt her reluctance to look away the countless times they had locked eye contact as if magnetised to each other, something bigger than a healthy classroom rivalry was pulling them to each other. Even if that were the case, what did it matter when she clearly wanted no part of it. And Gilbert was only going to get hurt if he continued to put himself in positions that allow her to push his friendship away. There was only one thing to do.

"Yes." Gilbert agreed "I've taken notice of that" subtly referencing the most recent prior wound he had allowed her to inflict upon his heart. Anne paused, suddenly snapped out of her fiery annoyance by the realisation that she had hurt Gilbert's feelings. She had not intended to brush him off so coldly, she had once again let her temper get the better of her and in the process of staking her claim as an independent capable female who did not need an escort, she has accidentally gave him the impression that she did not want him there with her, which was not the case. She did try to explain but he had already retreated into a book.

After successfully delivering Anne to the door of the mansion she politely thanked him, to which he flatly replied "You're welcome," and went off to his day. He did not want to hear her polite small talk following her very clear rendition of her feelings towards him. It was as though someone had poured a bucket of ice over his head. There was no future for Anne and he. He needed to face forward and try to put her out of his mind.

Walking into Doctor Wards office as he did every Saturday, Gilbert heard the sound of a woman talking, he recognised the voice of the receptionist, Miss Rose. Only he had not heard her use this tone of voice before and it peaked his interest. It was not only the playful note to her voice, but also the way she intelligently conversed with 'Mr Bones' in such a humorous way. When Gilbert made his presence known she displayed her quick wit and sharp tone, indicating that he had been rude to listen as long as he had and she was elegantly embarrassed. She had certainly grabbed his attention and he was suddenly feeling very bold, perhaps tea with Miss Rose would be a welcome distraction.

Tea had indeed done wonders for Gilbert's mindset. Winifred was elegant and beautiful, and for the first time Gilbert had a mature young lady seem genuinely pleased to share in his company despite his lack of experience with social meetings such as tea with a young lady. She schooled him on all sorts of things, and when she stumbled out of her seat as an elegant ploy to place her hand on his arm Gilbert felt quite assured of her interest in him. And it was a pleasant feeling.

He took the memory of tea, and of the scandalous Mr Bones with him home on the train that day. Feeling a mutual appreciation so freely was an experience he valued highly, especially after the morning he had. As Anne sat down next to him Gilbert politely, yet absently enquired about her journey. She said something vaguely positive and then Gilbert went back to his thoughts silently. And for the first time, Anne Shirley-Cuthbert's presence had no effect on him. What welcome relief.


	6. 6

-6.

Gilbert was on edge, struggling to find a way to answer her questions in a comforting way. How could he look Mary in the eyes as she asked about the treatment of what she thought was a mild spell of illness and tell this wonderful soul that her time is up. It broke his heart. He felt the impending loss and it crushed down on him, and he couldn't hold it together.

As she realised what was happening to her, she immediately asked for her infant child knowing their time together was precious and fleeting. Gilbert couldn't say the right words to make any of this okay, but he could bring her child to her.

As soon as Gilbert knocked on the door at green gables one shared look with Anne and she instantly knew something was terribly wrong. The Cuthbert's instantly made to leave and as they were set in the buggy with the baby, Anne prepared to go with them but Gilbert still felt the heavy burden within him and he needed the time and space of a walk. Anne observed him for a moment before opting to join him in his walk.

"I can't fathom it" Anne said as they walking along, pondering the impossible sentence that Mary had been dealt, unable to truly believe what this is going to mean for them all, Bash especially.

Gilbert had chosen to walk as he needed to air his frustrations at his own failings, saying it more to himself than to Anne, he let out his thoughts. "I don't think I can be a doctor. Doctors are supposed to... I was... I had to tell her. But I-"

"Oh, Gilbert" Anne interrupted. But he was not going to listen to her feeling sorry for his role in this when he had been utterly inadequate at supporting his terminally ill friend. "No, don't. I'm not the one dying. I'm not the one who's loosing everything. I'm just.."

Anne refused to be brushed aside, coming back firmer in order to help him through accepting that he is allowed to have feelings on the matter as well. "A friend who delivered the most terrible news to someone they love."

"Mary needed me to be strong. I just made it worse. I couldn't find the words, and I made it worse." Gilbert was so disappointed in himself that he couldn't have done better. But Anne was not going to stand by and let him be so hard on himself when he had done nothing wrong.

"Would she have been consoled by some dispassionate delivery?" Anne said as she turned him around to face her, "I hope you never have to do something like that again, but I don't think you'll be able to avoid it. People will come to you, Gilbert. And they will bring their children, and everyone they hold dear to see a doctor who cares just as much as they do. You will be a wonderful doctor. Caring deeply will always be the right thing." As Anne spoke, she was so invested and it meant so much to him that she truely believed in him. To hear her say that caring deeply is the right thing as they stood together in that field, it only reminded him of how deeply he cared for her. Only, she had made it seem that this was not the right thing as of late, what a sweet contrast her words were now. He knew she had been speaking of caring for patients and people in general, but as she spoke he couldn't avoid making the connection between her words and the feelings he experienced as he looked into her eyes. How could he not care for her, while he was experiencing a moment of self doubt and anger that he could not come out of on his own, she was there to pull him out of it with two blue eyes and passionate words, and it meant to world to him. As she began to continue on their walk he was momentarily stunned and could only turn and watch as she went. After a moment he gathered himself and began to slowly walk after her.

As they came upon the house the Cuthbert's were departing and Bash was slowly making his way back into the house to be with his beloved wife and daughter. As the front door closed Gilbert stopped walking, all of his emotions bubbling to the surface and he couldn't hold them in any longer. After such long lives filled with hard work and suffering, Sebastian and Mary has found each other, started their family and brought love back into the otherwise quiet and lonely Blythe farmhouse. It was supposed to be the beginning of their lives together and now to have it all changed under tragic circumstances was too much to bare. As he stood there, tears began to gather in his eyes as he could no longer hold in his pain. He felt Anne step in front of him and wrapped her arms around Gilbert's shoulders as she gently offered him comfort. Not for the first time today he was stunned by the actions of this girl, and a moment later he returned Anne's embrace, his arms finding their way around her. Lightly at first, until their hold on each other became firmer, no space for air between their thick winter coats.

Too soon he felt her hands move to his shoulders and he reluctantly loosened his arms allowing them to fall back to his sides. They looked into each others eyes as they pulled apart, so many emotions swirling between them. With a nod to each other, they turned and set off again towards the house.

Mary asked to speak with Gilbert after Anne had gone and he was finally able to find fitting words to say, expressing his feelings and drawing strength from them in a way he had been unable to earlier in the day. It brought him a measure of peace and he was able to forgive himself for how he had handled breaking the news of the truth about her illness.

When the house was quiet and he found himself alone the memory of a red head in his arms was all he could think about. He was so grateful to her for the words of encouragement and comfort, and when there were no words needed she had embraced him and it was one of the saddest and most perfect moments of his life. He had never been so close to Anne before and she had fit so comfortably in his arms that he felt a physical loss when he had let her go. When she pulled back and they had looked at each other, the air had been so thick between them as they were still only inches apart. His emotions so raw and exposed in that moment paved the way to his other deep feelings he kept well buried for good reason. And as he had looked at her those feelings were swimming in his eyes.


	7. 7

7.

Step one, two, three

The class had been in an intense flurry of mixed emotions about the impending dance lesson ever since it was announced. Many of the boys viewed dancing as something for girls, whereas the girls were ever cautious about reputations and scandal. Due to the intimacy of the physical contact which was usually deemed inappropriate being a requirement for dancing it was naturally a heavily debated topic in the lead up to and right into the beginning of the rehearsal.

For Gilbert the idea of dancing was as enigmatic as it was to the next young man, having never taken part before. But he was not a stranger to the touch of young woman the way many of the other boys clearly were. His visits into Charlottetown where he had invited Winifred to tea had afforded him several opportunities to hold her hand, such as when she staged tripping out of her chair in order to knowingly defy the expectations of propriety. Of course that was not the only contact with a young lady he had shared. When he and Anne had embraced outside him home, he had never before, or since been so physically close to a woman who was not apart of his family. And for good reason as such a display would have been scandalous to anyone who might have witnessed it therefore to repeat it now in the presence of their peers and teacher was unthinkable. Gilbert cherished that moment of innocent comfort even more so as it never should have happened, but he would have been so lost and alone without it.

In the wake of such an occurrence Gilbert unconsciously stood close to Anne to feel a whisper of her presence so near, just as he had when she had been reading the obituaries in the newspaper whilst standing behind him in the doorway. He had turned as she spoke, biting on his lips while rising from his chair in order to look at the paper she read from. Once again finding himself in awe of her kind idea to print an article about Mary for her daughter, the pair briefly holding each other's gaze until Diana pulled her attention away with news from the take notice board. It didn't bother Gilbert at all that Charlie had posted about Anne. Her reaction to the news was proof enough she was more uncomfortable about it than he could ever be. He could never put his finger on what was between Anne and himself, but they were long past the point of discomfort because of each others company, or so he thought.

Everybody was feeling quite awkward as they took their positions for the dance, Gilbert and Anne were surprised to look across and see they had been partnered by chance. The first attempt unravelled due to confusion and reluctance, and so they tried again. As they made there way through the first part of the dance pattern they found their eyes constantly drawn to each other, regardless of who the dances paired them with at any given time. As they reformed their original lines Gilbert smiled as he moved towards her. There was something so tantalizing about her coming towards him only to move away as they nearly reached each other. As they began to retreat in their lines Gilbert spied her hand and an idea sparked. He wanted her closer to him than across the way, so when the time came for their lines to cross and switch sides he took matters into his own hands and playfully spun her around, laughing with her as he rearranged the whole line up when he didn't cross as he was supposed to. Now she was there at his side with her hand in his as they moved through the dance, watching each other, playful smiles on Gilbert's lips when he looked at her, satisfied with his actions. Every step and every turn, she was there. And gradually she became all that he could see. The way she moved through the dance, the light flush on her skin at the exertion of the dance, the feel of their hands joining, their shared playfulness at having defied the pattern of the dance, and of course that bittersweet moment when he knew he had to restore the dance, and so when the lines switched back he stayed where he ought to, reluctantly releasing her hand. As the dance had come to an end they approached each other face to face once more and then took a bow.

In a trance like state they held each other's eyes, wrapped in the feelings their dance together had produced, until Anne realised that all the others had moved away and broke the spell, walking instantly to her belongings in the coat room. Gilbert followed suit, rushing to gather his things and get out of the building. They turned and met in the middle, suddenly having to face again the surge of feelings, Anne ducked and practically ran from the building, while Gilbert hesitated reeling from their shared experience and how she fled from it.

He thought on it the entire walk home. Through the dance Gilbert had held the hands of other girls but none of them sparked the same fire in him that Anne had. Over all of the time they had known each other Anne had been captivating to him and as a result they had unwittingly found themselves in positions that were more intimate any other he has experienced. And all of them had led to this.

In his desperation to get to know her he had pulled on her hair, he could still remember the feel of the soft braid in his fingers. Right before he joined the steamer crew they had seen each other in Charlottetown and he was sure he would have remained lost in her eyes until dusk had Jerry not intervened, and upon his return to Avonlea Gilbert had taken every opportunity to reconnect their gazes. Over the Christmas tree he had felt her breath on his face, and then outside his home where she had been wrapped in his arms. She alone blew air onto the embers of his interest, each time making them spark a little brighter. So when the dance presented another opportunity to be nearer to her, to feel her touch, he simply couldn't pass it up and not make the most of it.

Could it be that she had felt the same way? If she had been unaffected by their dance why did she rush out so fast? If she had felt nothing at all she would simply have joined their classmates. But she did not. She lingered with him, and then proceeded to all but run from him. If she did she feel it as well it clearly startled her. A feeling he can understand.

If she indeed felt the same, Gilbert's mind jumped forward, the words "thinking ahead... to a future together" ran through his head. Could the way he felt about Anne be what is meant to be between a man and his wife? Only Anne had ever sparked these feelings. Is she the one he should marry? This was all way over his head, therefore Gilbert decided to talk it over with someone who knows love. And so he approached Bash about it in the middle of a carrot... how ironic.

After speaking with Bash he had a new perspective to consider. The feelings he had during the dance were a physical attraction in nature, and Bash eluded to marriage being based on the deeper emotion of love. Although it was quite clear after their dance that he was in fact attracted to Anne quite intensely, he was not ready to breach the subject of love for Anne with himself. He couldn't open himself up like that when he was always so unsure about what he meant to Anne.


	8. 8

8.

"Anne!"

Gilbert called after her as she fled through the fair. It had been too much and she couldn't stand still for another second, faced with Winifred, tall, smart, refined, and beautiful as she was on Gilbert's arm. The ruined cake was just the cherry on top and she needed to run. And so she did, to quick to notice Gilbert immediately moving to follow her.

The fair he's been going rather well for him thus far. Winifred had finally managed to visit Avonlea where they were able to walk amongst the fair, so informal compared to Charlottetown although that did not stop Winifred from having a few minor interruptions in her balance that required a steadying hand. Thankfully despite all of his wardrobe indecision earlier that morning Winifred's parents were kind, generous and open minded people who gave him the impression that they were pleased with him as a suitor to their daughter. Everything had been going so smoothly, he had been so focused on the company of Winifred and her parents right until Anne made a dash out of the food judging pavilion after her cake was judged harshly as it had turned out drastically different to what she was expecting. Without a second thought he released his arm from Winifreds hand and pursued her, knowing she must have been feeling humiliated and his only desire in that moment was to be a comfort to her, just as she had been for him on so many occasions.

"Anne!" Gilbert called out again. Only this time she stopped and turned to him.

"It's fine. I'm fine. honestly. I wish you two every happiness" Anne said out of breath in an attempt to cover up her wounded heart. Gilbert on the other hand was immediately confused by her statement. Was she referring to Winifred? "I..." Gilbert had wanted to ease her discomfort, only the source of that discomfort was perhaps not what he had thought it was, at least not completely. "Was just going to say that..." Gilbert thought about what had transpired in the big tent and what Anne had said just then, coming to the conclusion that the cake was most likely not the root of the problem and therefore he may be able to cheer her up if he put a silver lining around the cake incident. "Mary would've found that really, really funny" Gilbert said as he remembered the woman who had provided Anne with the recipe for the cake, and to whom it had been dedicated, taking the moment to share Mary's memory with Anne as he attempted to cheer her up.

Anne couldn't even process the embarrassment over her failed baking attempt right now, as she looked into his eyes she felt so forlorn as she absorbed the fact that he was courting another woman. Just as she had begun to realise the depth of her own regard for him she lost him before even having the chance to know how much she wanted him. She felt her heart crumble and she needed to to get away from him and this feeling.

Gilbert had hoped he could brighten her mood even just a little and so he stood with her and smiled as she thought about what he said... or thought about something rather intently. There was a gravity in the way she looked at him as she held his eyes, he felt himself inching closer to her under its pull. He felt as though she was desperately searching for what she needed from him and it was just out of her reach, willing it to her with the sheer force of her gaze. Anne suddenly seemed to panic and quickly ran from him. He was left standing alone as he watched her retreat, fighting the urge to follow after her again. Gilbert's heart ached at her sorrow, wishing he knew what she had been searching for within his eyes so that he might wholeheartedly be able to deliver it to her. If only he knew...

He stood in that spot for a few moments and thought about what she had said. Wishing him happiness? With Winifred? It was obviously apparent to Anne that he and Winifred were... something to each other, and when Gilbert had followed her to this very spot in order to help console her about the cake she hadn't even mentioned it. Only mentioning his happiness. With Winifred. Gilbert considered the possibility that Anne had been hurt by the knowledge that he was with a woman. Why, the only reason she could be hurt by someone else spending time with him is if she wanted-

His thoughts interrupted as Winifred came in to his line of sight. He took a deep breath and pushed away his musings as he rejoined the Rose family.


End file.
